It’s a strange feeling. Knowing where you are in life. This knowledge about your past and everything that you ever remember. The journey, the people that you miss, the time that you have lost. No, we are not getting any younger. I feel like I am responding to a friend who called me late at night. She unfriended me on facebook. Perhaps it means that we are no longer friends. I have always cared about her.
I’ve been on my bed this entire day and im planning on doing the same tomorrow as well. I have been tired. I imagine to be on a mini vacation inside my room.
I miss my mom. More often than ever these days I think of how little time there is left for us in this world. And I should learn to love my mother. I get angry with her because I am afraid of the pain I feel from the monstrous things she says. I am now sad that I may never get a chance to love her.
I always think of a reason to believe that she is a bad person who never appreciates what I do or who I am. Are my feelings just petty? Is my anger meaningless? I still feel that my love is misunderstood. God gives every person a struggle only when he knows that they are strong enough to face it. Perhaps there is something god wants me to understand.
You know, i’ve always thought that life was a lot like mathematics. Problems, solutions, everywhere. I know that there is a perfect solution to every problem and that all problems has solutions. My life has never been the same ever since I realized this. Perhaps it will change more.
Love solves all things unsolvable. There is a reason I have been given this light in my life. Now all that I have to do is to treat them with kindness, with patience, accept pain and not be afraid of it.
On the last year of my school we were all given a souvenir, it had a bible verse printed on it. Everytime I feel lost, I read these beautiful lines and my life would have meaning and purpose again. I have written it here so I could remember it by heart and never make the same mistakes over and over again.
Corinthians 13: 4-8
Love is patient and kind;
love is not jealous or boastful;
it is not arrogant or rude.
Love does not insist on its own way;
it is not irritable or resentful;
it does not rejoice in the wrong,
but rejoices in the right.
Love bears all things.
Endures all things.
Love never ends.