Some kind of monster

I’m a huge fan of Metallica. I think its the one band that creates the type of music that matches my emotions. Its exactly me. Sometimes I find myself alone, perhaps after a lot of crying feeling that i don’t want to cry anymore even though I realize that nothing has changed. In that moment i am no longer some kind of a monster.. I am no longer angry about the things that i cant change, In that moment i settle down and accept it. No matter how painful the issue may be, you have to just accept it because this is what god wants for you.

You have no right to change what god wants for you. You have no power over god. You only have the power to ask, to wish, to feel or to want but beyond that, you have got to accept it. It is in moments like these that I think that life is beautiful. Not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.

There is a lot going on in my body that requires to be healed. I need to pray to god. I think it will work better if I included prayers in my daily routine. Even 60 year old people struggle without a routine, I am happy. I have always believed in the things which I believe today. The only mistake I repeatedly made was to keep running after people for all the wrong reasons. I cannot call it love, I call it the greed for love. The greed for attention. No, it doesn’t work, not for me. You have got to know who you are, what you like and what you want. That’s when you can achieve it. Greed is not a good emotion, even if it were for love. God gives us exactly what we want and when we need it.

A week has passed by and I still haven’t found a perspective for what im going through. And I am searching for one. Peace is a wonderful reason to work. Peace or bliss. They both mean the same to me. I have been considering meditation but that’s not anytime before I accept the butterfly, because I am still afraid of it.

Fly away, my little butterfly. Fly so far away from my reach that I am no longer afraid of you. Lol. You know what I am most scared of in a butterfly? Its movement. But coming to think of it I think its kind of beautiful. Its gentle and feminine. Yeah… beautiful, yes. If it really was beautiful then why am I afraid of it?

The things i have to do, to stay calm and not cause a genocide.

Life is so annoying. 😂 mostly because I am single. Not that I don’t want to get married but I just want to get married to the right person. Do you have any idea how difficult it is for a single girl to find the right person. To live with all that existing pressure and to choose someone good. I am so exhausted that i no longer want to think, I just want to drown without a word into a pool full of my own sorrow.

I wish it was that easy. You work so hard upon finding the perfect guy to marry and fall in love with. You feed him your heart and soul and strongly hope that you will never have to look for love elsewhere, ever again, but then he turns out to be a jerk, who wont work, who isn’t responsible, he turns out to be in simple words, a young boy trapped inside a grown man’s body who is looking for the little things in life… 😢 How cute. Yes, its all beautiful till you see someone who is strong and tough and works so hard and your mind wanders/wonders “why cant i have that?”

Choices, life is all about choices. You walk into a supermarket and what do you see? You see choices. You see different kinds of food, different kinds of clothes, different kinds of lifestyles and what do you do? You choose. Its just likely that we choose what we think is best for us. Life is all about the choice we make. And I chose integrity, love and passion. Hell, I chose hell. Why couldn’t I have chosen hard working man with great body?

Where am I now? I am back home, from where I began almost ten years ago. What a trip? Life is a trip, innit? It really is. Along the way we make these amazing choices that lead us to our destiny. ❤

Prayer time: Lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil.

I am sick. Sometimes I am on my bed crying to myself, inside my mind, “I am not well, does anybody realize it” and there’s is nothing that I can do to help myself. Except, wait for the pain to pass and I wake up to continue what I have to do.

Where is all the love and fun and boyfriends? Where are all the promises and dreams we made together? The truth is you are alone today and you will be forever. There is nothing to be scared about in this, people are always around you but nobody can live your life for you. Nobody can take your pain or sorrow or happiness, they are all yours to take. 😐

No matter how close you think one might be, their relationship ends outside of your mind. That’s why people always say that you must learn to develop a relationship with god, because god alone can “only” be your “eternal” friend. This would make more sense to you if you learn to build a relationship with god.

Cheers,
Mk.

Changing Realities

Reality changes, as you believe.

There is always one reality. What is present and what is right now. This reality, constantly changes and it changes with time. We have previously learnt that time is the unsolvable mystery of life. The factor being it cannot be seen or felt and it keeps moving forward. We can never go back in time and no one can tamper it. This is our blind faith in the mystery of time, and it is due to this blind faith we fail to recognize a wonderful changing reality, that is changing constantly.

We live in submission to our own belief and remain limited by it. Our belief in time is so unshakable that it is impossible for us to stop and think for one moment, that time might not exist. After all, we work on time, we wake up on time, we sleep on time, we eat on time, we live for the time-being, then how could we begin to believe that time is not real? But the truth my friend, is that, it isn’t.

Time is a dimension, a perception, a concept. A concept created by mankind. Time is imaginary. The reason for its creation, is to measure the rate of change. This world is constantly changing and without time, we will never be able to follow history. Our life would be meaningless without time. It would be as though, everything happened at once. We might die with the sensation of never having lived at all. To make our human life comprehensible to our own selves, great minds of the past, invented time. It is not part of our nature, it is part of our minds.

Reality is unique to everyone of us. Each of us have a unique story running on our minds about ourselves. We are the creators of our lives. What we believe is our reality. Our future is as we see. Our mind is a fabulous agent that helps us move forward and at the same time keeps us contained within our insecurities. We are the strongest and only if we want to be.

We are a reasoning device. All we need is one reason to make us believe what we want to believe. We are free beings who can do anything we want. We live in a society, it contains many of us. It is we who compromise and blame others for our failures. It is a reason we find to not move forward, to not take control and remain stuck in a place, where we don’t want to be. We fear future. We fear what we can’t see and dont know. We fear life.

Reality is a wonderful journey through change. It takes courage to move forward in time. It is stupid to wait for opportunities. The fearless, follows his dream. Each one of us have amazing dreams, and would do anything to make it true. Would it not be great if someone had told us how to make our dreams come true? A strange part of life is that, sometimes all that we need to do, is take the first step, and everything else will fall in place.

This universe loves us. This universe would do anything to make our dream come true. All that we need to do is believe in it. Believe that if we are on the right pathway, the right will happen. If something is going wrong it is only because we are not right. Spiritual learning never seizes. It is an ongoing process from birth to death. God‘s guiding light stays with us forever. We have to open our eyes to see it.

Our job in darkness, is to take decisions. Our mind involves us in the decision making process all the time. There are no wrong decisions, only doubts that lurk beneath the surface. It takes confidence to stick to our decisions. When we stick to our decisions, reality changes. Life is like an escalator, all you need to do is take the first step, and we will be dropped off where we need to be. It helps if we are aware of where we stand. It makes it easy to get off, after all, you never know how many more escalators you need to take. You never know how far you need to go.