Choose your friends wisely.

I have never chosen anything wisely in my life, let alone choosing friends. When i was young.. I liked people who were rich and clean. And that’s how I chose the best friends of my childhood. They are all scattered around the city and some settled abroad with kids and some occupied with work. After my boyfriend broke up with me, I tried so hard to find my friends inside these people, but they were all changed. Perhaps, so had I.

I think it is foolish to keep looking for things in the wrong places. I have lived a few years without friends. It has been tough, which is why I realize that I need friends. So here is a check list I am making for friends in my life.

First of all, I must start adding girlfriends into my life because girls are necessary for girls. Just like how boys are necessary for boys. You need a girlfriend to share your girl problems with. Guys don’t always listen.. Second, it should be a girl who is decent, stylish and modern at the same time. Third, she has to be young because i am sick of older women friends.

And last but not the least, she must like me. I am also sick of having a million friends since childhood, whom I like. It will be an interesting transformation for me and for my life, to have some one who would like me rather than me being absolutely in love with them.

So.. That’s about it. It was an interesting check list to make. My tough life is about to begin and I am going to watch how things unfold.

Wish me luck.
Mk. 💕

Youngistaan is in my blood

I remember how much I used to hate “free advice” when I was younger but I don’t anymore. Not because im old, but because im mature enough to realize that its important to understand what other people think and to take my own decisions based on what I feel is right.

This is one of the most important things I wish I had done as a youngster or a youngistaan as I like to call it these days. I read it somewhere that children should be taught how to think on their own and that its one of the most important education one must go through.. And… I agree and I also add… One must be taught how to analyze things. How to accept things. How to choose things, how to take decisions, how to care for themselves, how to study and understand, how to excel at being themselves. One must be discovered while they are young. I think inside every grown man and woman there is a child that wishes it had started on its work really early. Because no matter how hard you work it just seems that there is no time left.

As you grow older you would realize how important a career is. A career is something that defines your life. It defines your existence even after you have gone. Your work will speak for you. On the other hand, my religion tells me that whatever work i do, i must dedicate it to god. I must know, accept and realize that everything that i do is only done to fulfill the wishes of my god and therefore i have no right over it myself. Its like I only experience life as it comes, and swim 🏊 through it.

So at this point I am confused. I wonder if it is necessary to work hard towards my dreams and goals or to let go of it all and stay at home to enjoy the fruits of life. That sounds like so much fun.💃 But… there is a part of me that kind of wants to get up and succeed. I wonder if that raging power in me should be silenced or accepted.

Should I or should I not? To be or not to be. I made my decision long ago that I will only do things that will make me beautiful. Its a simple matter of seeing whether this is good for me or not. I am driven by a force to prove myself to people who are no longer in my life. Its almost as if I am doing these things for no reason. Perhaps if I found a reason..

With love,
Miss.Angry bird.

P:s: I feel my earth shake like an earthquake, its hard to see clear, is it me or is it fear?

No darling, I wonder why you are doing what you are doing.

Learn to let go..

When I was young I used to hold on to my mothers hair while going to sleep but it became inconvenient for her so one night she asked me to hold on to her saree. That feeling knowing that she was somewhere close by would make me feel so secure and protected from all the monsters in the world. 😊

When I started to sleep alone I used to bring both my hands together, pray to god and I would refuse to let go of my hands because I thought as long as my hands were together in prayer, god will save me from any kind of monster. I still do that sometimes. 😁

No matter how old you get there are a few things that will always scare you. Falling of a roof, ghosts, heart attacks, getting hurt, being heart broken, rejection, failures and last but not the least, butterflies. 😣

Ever since I started a journey in direction, I have been learning a lot. The monsters in my mind are no longer simple structures like ghosts but its more complicated stuff about life. The feeling that I am from a middle class family makes me sad. So I want to work hard to become successful and when its at stake I feel afraid.

I make plans. I make plans for the future and for my work but plans don’t always work and sometimes I am afraid of that.

When my plan is rejected I feel bummed with sadness. But now that has changed. A lot of that has changed. I know that if something doesn’t work out, I can always think of something new. I never knew that before. I also realize that its good to follow other people’s plans and ideas if its acceptable. As long as I know that im gonna be okay Life remains a joyous ride and its so awesome when I see myself smile. 😊

So… it is sometimes hard to let go of your ideas and this isn’t only about work, this equation can be applied with relationships as well. If something doesn’t work out you have to think of something new because one of the most important things to do in life is to keep on moving forward.

Cheers,
Mk. 💪

Learn to be happy alone.

I am not like that. I cannot be alone for even a short period of time. I get lonely. There is a difference between being alone and feeling lonely. Its okay to be alone but its never ok to feel lonely. Loneliness can make you feel unwanted, it can give you depression. It may even take you to a place from where you may never want to return again.

Sometimes I find it impossible to say the words inside my mind. I have more conversations inside my mind than I ever do in reality. How did this even begin? Where did i get lost? Why am I struggling to get back to being normal? Being normal, how do people define that?

I don’t feel normal at times. I feel like I live in a different world. A world in a higher reality. Is that bad? It does give me a superiority complex. Its funny because i normally suffer from an inferiority complex. Am I looking for a balance between these two states of mind? I really don’t know what I am going through.

I feel lonely because i know that there is no one else other than me, in my higher reality. People are having fun living in the real world while I have been living alone for a long time. It was all fun till I was 25. I don’t mean to regret. I had the best times doing what I did but you have to change your habits if you are looking for a transformation. Transformations don’t happen on their own. You make them happen. You struggle for it. You fight for it, even when no one understands what you are going through. You may even lose your closest friends when you make these changes.

Its amazing how much time you have in your hand when you get organized. Its also amazing how much work I still have, to do. Its more tiring than amazing at this point. I don’t want to complain but i don’t know what else to do. Do I like this life? Do I enjoy it? I am not sure if i do but I know I want to. I want to like the life I am creating for myself. I want to enjoy the peace, after all that’s why all this began.

I guess it helps to listen to the world sometimes. I calm down to listen, to feel, to understand, because otherwise I am so busy I don’t have the time to do any of this.

Wakemeupstory: There was once a boy who smelt a rose and couldn’t stop till he found it. But in the end he could never find that rose because it never existed.

The thing that I am doing is a little bit like that rose story. The things i run behind like success and money, they are not real. They are only things i need to have a more happy and comfortable life. They are not always necessary. Its important to know your goals. Its important to understand what you want. You need to have a vision if you want to lead your life. You have to know what you really want. Otherwise you are simply running behind something for no reason.

My childhood friend once said that she will become an actress when she grows up. I still remember that moment. We were in her room and she was confident and sure about her future. She said that an astrologer whom her mother meets regularly has told that she will become an actress when she grows up. She was the most beautiful girl I have ever seen and I remember always thinking that i wish I was her. It was at that moment that I wondered if I would ever get a chance to become an actress like her.

No. I could never act. I am a ridiculous actor but my desire is still alive. I am trying to become a director. Its been nothing less of hard work and I am not sure about what is going on with my body anymore. I am worried. My hair is a mess, my skin is patchy and dark, thankfully, my exercise routine is ok. So at least my body is in control. I am tired and for heavens sake, I feel old. What I really want at this point is to be kind and beautiful towards everyone I love. I want to be happy. I want people in my life. People to love and care about.

I feel miserable knowing that I have been using my body and killing its desires to fulfill the dreams of my own.

Sadly,
Mk.