Fear of Butterflies

butterfly hairclip

I was six or younger, may be even older, i don’t remember my age as much my memories. We were living in Chennai, the place i grew up. There used to be an annual trade fair that happened at the YMCA palace grounds. One particular year my brother, Its funny how i associate this brother as the root cause of my non-understanding of relationships and the fear of butterflies. This brother isn’t my real brother. He is a family friend. Anyway. He put up a stall at the trade fair. He sold paper butterflies.  It had a sort of mechanism, made of rubber band. If you wind the rubber band and let it go the big huge butterfly would fly so far away with a rattling plastic paper noise.   I was his assistant for this project. My job was to go pick up the butterflies and bring it back to the stall, every time he wound it to demonstrate.

This is my first memory that i associate with the fear of butterflies.

My question is, if i was scared of butterflies before this incident then there was no way i agreed to work with him on this project. I don’t remember exactly since when i’ve been scared of it, because if i knew then i would know what the reason is. This fear isn’t small or simple or as many people have told me, Irrational. I understand that it is an irrational fear, but nevertheless it is true, to me. I can tell you  what scares me in a butterfly. You may try to make some sense out if it and it might help me understand this so called, irrational fear.

I don’t remember who told me this, but i think its my mom. We were younger and we were discussing something in our old house, when someone, i’m not sure if its my mom or my uncle because she says that she doesn’t remember saying this, so.. someone told me that the butterfly’s wings are so fragile that if you touched it, you will leave behind a hole on its wing and the colour will stick on you. For some reason this is a very scary idea for me. If you need to know why, let me tell you, it makes extreme sense to me. How do i elaborate, if i did it would reveal my true nature. I will feel naked, to myself if i told you what sense it makes to me.  Nevertheless, i assure you, sense keeps changing, and so there is no reason why i should believe the sense it just made to me.

This is something i feel ashamed to say, i don’t think butterflies are beautiful.   I’ll tell you why i feel ashamed. I am a photographer, the only reason i started doing photography is because i believe in beauty. I believe in harmony, i believe that when everything is in harmony, it is beautiful. The problem with the butterfly is that its colours or patterns on its wings are not even. I mean its like a fractal art rip-off.  Its too uncoordinated, its harsh and the dark spots. God, those are eyes, i used to think that that was the eye of a butterfly. But, later i found out that the actual creature is somewhere in between these giant scary wings.

I have a lot of stories to tell about how embarrassed i’ve felt at the sight of a butterfly. I don’t want to run through it, but in short they are all extremely embarrassing situations. If you need to know, i wouldn’t care what i have to do, in order to escape a butterfly. Be it jumping of a building or running on thorns. In that immediate position, my brain will quickly calculate the easiest way out and i will run for my life. Even if i were sitting in a coffee shop or relaxing and if i notice a butterfly far away in my sight. I will not be able to look at anything else, except be aware of which direction the next wind would take it. For some reason, when i care so much about it, and when i pray to god, asking him to take it away, it will always come closer to me.

Its like, i feel negative. I feel that my mind always wishes for what i don’t want.  Does that make sense?



Windows for the soul

Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn’t mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

I’ve always enjoyed reading this. This is a great explanation for how our mind works. There is always that inevitable intention to make sense out of everything we see. This tendency to make sense is not just for language, but for our world, our surroundings, our existence, our daily life, our relationships, family values, virtues, beliefs, even life on the whole. After all, we spend our entire life trying to make sense out of it.

“Making Sense” is unique to every individual. Individuality arises because we are limited to our senses and controlled by the mind. Identity is man’s idea to keep our individuality intact. Apart from the fact that we have different names and that we are different in color, we are all the same beings. We are thinking beings and the significance of perception is the same to all of us.

Perception is the process of attaining awareness or understanding of the environment, by organizing and interpreting sensory information. Our sense organs collects information from outside, and our mind interprets it within. We live inside our body, understand and survive through change, we learn everything we need to learn about what is outside of us. There is a wonderful world outside, as well as within.

Outside, its an appearance world. All that we see outside our self is light. Our main source of light is the sun. Light alone exists, and the colour that we see in the surrounding is generated in the mind. Where there is no light, there is no colour. Colour changes with light. Visible light is a small part of the complete electromagnetic spectrum.

Complete spectrum of electromagnetic radiation...

Image via Wikipedia

Out of the radiation spectrum, visible light is the only wave particle we can see with our human eyes. Light falls on every object, and for us to be able to see the colour of the object, a whole lot of mechanism takes place. The object absorbs the light wave which corresponds to its pigment and reflects the rest of the light wave. The reflected light ray hits our eye and depending upon its wavelength, colour is generated in the mind. Colour is not real, its perceptive.

This is why colour blind people cannot see some colours, and blind people cannot see at all. Colour is different in all our eyes, it depends on the amount of cells we have in each eye. All that we see, as the world outside, are collaborated images from both our eyes. It gives us depth perception. Our eyes create a 3 dimensional view of the world to distinguish light and shadow, to understand how nearer or farther any object is. Our eyes help us see, and we only see what we want to see.

Beauty is as we believe. Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder. If we see something with love, it automatically becomes beautiful. This is a strange phenomenon in our magical world. Science can explain this even better, but, unfortunately, the language of science is very old. In this era of change, it would be greatness for our human race to discover our true potential, our divine nature, so we can live with the joy of salvation blessed in universal harmony.

God‘s light exists within our hearts. It has a powerful shine, and when it shines we glow from within. This is not an ordinary world. We are not ordinary people surviving a government. This is a supernatural world, we are divine creatures capable of change. All that we need to do is surrender to being. We need to trust in the higher power and free fall. Our life is the best journey we have ever taken or ever can.

We have to lose the false sense of self which is created by identity. We need to awaken to a higher consciousness and sing praises of our creator within. Where there is no more attachment to the self and to the material world, we are free to claim back our relationship with the supreme power and remain in bliss, we can attain nirvana.

Man’s restlessness can come to an end if he seeks the powers within. The purpose of life is to attain universal harmony. There is a verse from Natya Shastra called Abhinaya Dharpanam (Stage Craft). It teaches the way to create Rasa(Emotion). As humans our divine purpose is to create the appropriate emotion at the appropriate moment to experience divine bliss. The verse says…

“Yatohasto Tatodhristi, Yatodhristi Tatomanas, Yatomanas Tatobhaava, Yatobhaava Tatorasa.”

It means,

“where the hands go, goes the eyes, where the eyes go, goes the mind, where the mind goes, that is expressed, where there is expression, emotion is evoked”

This is the pathway to universal harmony in dance and divine love. The universe is within us. The precious light of god lives within our body and contains our soul. The soul never dies, it never gets old or affected. It is an energy that can neither be created nor be destroyed. It can only be transformed from one body to another. It is that which we can never see but feel.

Even though we are born as individuals in this world our purpose is to become one with all. This beautiful world can only be seen through the gift of eyes, which are windows for the soul.