Some kind of monster

I’m a huge fan of Metallica. I think its the one band that creates the type of music that matches my emotions. Its exactly me. Sometimes I find myself alone, perhaps after a lot of crying feeling that i don’t want to cry anymore even though I realize that nothing has changed. In that moment i am no longer some kind of a monster.. I am no longer angry about the things that i cant change, In that moment i settle down and accept it. No matter how painful the issue may be, you have to just accept it because this is what god wants for you.

You have no right to change what god wants for you. You have no power over god. You only have the power to ask, to wish, to feel or to want but beyond that, you have got to accept it. It is in moments like these that I think that life is beautiful. Not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.

There is a lot going on in my body that requires to be healed. I need to pray to god. I think it will work better if I included prayers in my daily routine. Even 60 year old people struggle without a routine, I am happy. I have always believed in the things which I believe today. The only mistake I repeatedly made was to keep running after people for all the wrong reasons. I cannot call it love, I call it the greed for love. The greed for attention. No, it doesn’t work, not for me. You have got to know who you are, what you like and what you want. That’s when you can achieve it. Greed is not a good emotion, even if it were for love. God gives us exactly what we want and when we need it.

A week has passed by and I still haven’t found a perspective for what im going through. And I am searching for one. Peace is a wonderful reason to work. Peace or bliss. They both mean the same to me. I have been considering meditation but that’s not anytime before I accept the butterfly, because I am still afraid of it.

Fly away, my little butterfly. Fly so far away from my reach that I am no longer afraid of you. Lol. You know what I am most scared of in a butterfly? Its movement. But coming to think of it I think its kind of beautiful. Its gentle and feminine. Yeah… beautiful, yes. If it really was beautiful then why am I afraid of it?


The most beautiful visions of my life.

I decided to put down in words all of the most beautiful things that I have seen, so far. I am inspired by the clouds I saw today. It felt like it was the most beautiful thing there ever was in the world. As though there was a world beyond the clouds. It felt that lord Krishna was somewhere out there roaming in his chariot of justice and that he might just pop out and say hello through that mighty whole that I was staring at. It had a sort of divine beauty that could only be understood when seen. Sometimes when I stare at clouds like those or anything as beautiful i wonder why it looked so divine. Moving on.

It takes a while to notice all the birds in a tree but once you begin to see them, you’ll notice how beautiful bird life is. Their flight is a marvellous sight. Its like a whole different world. A world where flying is possible. You have to notice the arrogance in birds when they fall, because they can fly. If you are an obsessive animal watcher you’ll notice that we all share a universal language.

Trees and nature in general is not only beautiful but just radical. You have to think about it to really understand how gifted we are to be present among the strangest beauty of nature. Nature by itself has no harmony or balance but still its harmonious and there’s a sacred geometry to it. The balance like colours, are created by our mind. No two trees are the same, but all trees look the same to us. The same logic applies to asians as well. 😁 If you took every object as an individual you would notice there are only so many objects in nature itself. Rocks, sand, trees, sky, clouds, fire, wind, water. When you separate man made from nature you would see how intelligent humans are.. And that’s kind of beautiful.

Next, vision itself. The very ability to see and experience this extraordinary life is a gift. That’s why I think every single day of life is beautiful. And its almost wrong if I wouldn’t mention the different sounds I hear and enjoy. Some sounds in nature is just amazing. Starting from the sound of breeze, to voices, there are sounds that please, sounds that distract and of course, sounds that attract.

Cheers, 🍻
Much love.
Good night,

there is so much left unsaid… !!?

I was listening to a charles bukowski video 📼, in which he had said very clearly that if writing doesn’t come to you, don’t write. I wondered to myself if I was wrong to choose writing as a career. I don’t know, may be its not meant for me because I find it difficult to sit and transfer my thoughts into reality.

I find it difficult to stay calm and accomplish my writing goals. Its probably because I am attempting to write screenplays. I don’t know if i am fit enough to become a good writer but i truly enjoy writing while I am at it.

Because its straight from my heart. If i didn’t want to write i would think about these thoughts in my mind. I would find a comfortable position to sit and i would form each word for every thought inside my mind and smile to myself.

I’m looking for a word that means more than extraordinary. I think I have found it. “powerful”.. How powerful is a mind to draw the attention of all. A mind is all there is.

I was thinking about the life source inside our body. The soul. I have wondered very little about life after death. There is a small hope created in my mind by the Bhagavad Gita. As the Gita has promised me there is a possibility to be eternally free after death, to join the supreme consciousness of god. All I need to do is say the hare Krishna mantra. But perhaps, I need to know what it means.

My mother once told me that when a person dies they either piss, shit or vomit or there would be a spill of some bodily fluid from one of the many holes in a human body. She had proven it with a sub-story which she truly believed was true. I believed her too. Until now, because now I’m starting to feel that the soul can never be separated from the body.

There is only a conscience, in a place non-existant which we all call the mind. I am pretty sure that plants have a mind of their own. All animals have a conscience and through the years i have understood this.

I believe that when a person dies their consciousness seizes to exist. They can no longer perceive the world with any of their senses. They can no longer think.

The mind is a reflection of what exists. I simply reflect myself with words everytime i write or think. Man is an extraordinary being to have invented language and civilization. Man kind is extraordinary. I am a mind trapped inside a human body. I will always be.

The mind is a beautiful place to live. I feel courageous everytime i say things like these because i realize that it explains my surreal life.

I talk to animals and watch lizards eat rice. I can feel a divine connection with the world. Yes, I still have worldly desires. I want to be married and I want to do something in cinema.

My life is my biggest problem. I am on a journey to find the ultimate solution. Happiness must be the ultimate solution for life.. 😍

No matter how painful life seems. Remember to feel good. Remember to be true to yourself. I need a constant reminder to express my feelings because sometimes I just don’t realize it.

Searching deeply for love,