Its difficult. You know, its difficult to be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to change you and trying to make you different. In a world that keeps telling you what is good and what is bad, what you should do and what you should not, I think its important to learn to listen to your own heart. I think its important to stay calm and choose wisely. I must develop an aptitude to not just listen to myself but others as well. I must learn to listen to what everyone says without losing my own mind. Its not a gift I was born with, nobody is born with an ability to accept or to listen but eventually we all realize it. Children should be taught how to think while they are still young because unfortunately I had to learn in the hard way.
Last night i went to an art of living guru pooja and I am not not sure if everyone likes me there because in the end while I was talking to someone, a small kid came to me and asked “if I still haven’t left?” I felt hurt because I thought may be they didn’t want me there. I have a lot of inhibitions and fears. I hate it when people tell me that I have psychological problems. At those times I wish god will magically turn the table around and make them see how mad they are themselves. These aren’t light thoughts and I am not in a light mood.
Why do I always feel like someone hates me? Perhaps because i hate myself. I hate myself for many reasons, because i get angry, because i control people who are even older than me. I can never be free(?)
I wonder if all people have inhibitions and fears about themselves. If yes, then I wonder how they manage their lives or even themselves. I have my own method but its so difficult to impel my plans into reality and i am somewhere between giving up and giving in but I now wonder to who or to where. Its a nice world out there. Life is a good journey. One of the best journeys I have ever embarked upon. Thanks a lot jimmy, without you this aloneness may never have been possible.