Love is ridiculous

How can love, a feeling so pure, begin and end with your eyes? How can it all be about beauty? If people, values, sentiments and thoughts play a role in judging a person’s character, then how can we still believe that beautiful things are made of gold? If it does, then is love pure after all? 

Take me for instance. I fall in love only for the most beautiful men in my world.  It started with Steve brooks. Steve was white, he was an Australian. My standard of beauty was someone who was white. I was not white, I have never, in all my life, believed, that I was beautiful. I have always looked outside for beautiful things and beautiful people.

I have always been attracted to beautiful men. I think that is what I want to understand first. To be attracted is natural. But it matters what we are attracted to. Why should I be attracted to beauty? Why can I not be attracted to knowledge? Or intelligence?

The second guy I felt that I wanted was someone I don’t want to name. But he was rich. I wanted him because I thought he was beautiful. No I cannot explain why Because I don’t know why I thought He was beautiful. He was sexy, he was young, he looked like a star from a bollywood film. When he walked down the stairs i thought he was beautiful. There was a smell I associate with him. I have sensed this smell a few times in my life afterward. It always reminded me of him.

I think when you want someone, its pure desire. There is no love in it. There is just a goal to achieve. It’s what you feel when you look at food. You want it. You’ve tasted it, you know you want to consume it. You feel hungry for it. You enjoy the sense of taste. Even though its a sense so temporary, even though it means nothing, you still enjoy it mindlessly. As far as life goes till now, love to me is a feeling like that. Its a goal i want to achieve to make myself believe that i am beautiful. Getting a beautiful man means that I am beautiful.

But thats what i do, it is not who i am. I believe that people who fall in love are the most foolish of all. Because like a moth caught in a spider’s web, people who fall in love suffer. They don’t know what brought them into it and they don’t know how to get out of it. They only get consumed by the brutal feelings of it, often caused by the most silliest attraction. My heart is so cruel to be in love with something so illusory. But like my good friend once said, fool me once Shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. I just mean to say that any knowledgeable person would not allow themselves to be fooled twice by the same situation.

Because we learn. Learning is the secret to life. We learn and we grow and we become the person that we are on the inside. You are not what you look like. You are, an idea. And it is your responsibility to shape your idea as you wish.

And so tonight I got to thinking about love. I have these unresolved thoughts which I could take back with me into the abyss of my silence. Am I shallow to fall in love with beauty? Or Am I silly to not realize my own beauty? And do I still need a man to let myself know that i am beautiful?  

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Some kind of monster

I’m a huge fan of Metallica. I think its the one band that creates the type of music that matches my emotions. Its exactly me. Sometimes I find myself alone, perhaps after a lot of crying feeling that i don’t want to cry anymore even though I realize that nothing has changed. In that moment i am no longer some kind of a monster.. I am no longer angry about the things that i cant change, In that moment i settle down and accept it. No matter how painful the issue may be, you have to just accept it because this is what god wants for you.

You have no right to change what god wants for you. You have no power over god. You only have the power to ask, to wish, to feel or to want but beyond that, you have got to accept it. It is in moments like these that I think that life is beautiful. Not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.

There is a lot going on in my body that requires to be healed. I need to pray to god. I think it will work better if I included prayers in my daily routine. Even 60 year old people struggle without a routine, I am happy. I have always believed in the things which I believe today. The only mistake I repeatedly made was to keep running after people for all the wrong reasons. I cannot call it love, I call it the greed for love. The greed for attention. No, it doesn’t work, not for me. You have got to know who you are, what you like and what you want. That’s when you can achieve it. Greed is not a good emotion, even if it were for love. God gives us exactly what we want and when we need it.

A week has passed by and I still haven’t found a perspective for what im going through. And I am searching for one. Peace is a wonderful reason to work. Peace or bliss. They both mean the same to me. I have been considering meditation but that’s not anytime before I accept the butterfly, because I am still afraid of it.

Fly away, my little butterfly. Fly so far away from my reach that I am no longer afraid of you. Lol. You know what I am most scared of in a butterfly? Its movement. But coming to think of it I think its kind of beautiful. Its gentle and feminine. Yeah… beautiful, yes. If it really was beautiful then why am I afraid of it?

Windows for the soul

Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn’t mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

I’ve always enjoyed reading this. This is a great explanation for how our mind works. There is always that inevitable intention to make sense out of everything we see. This tendency to make sense is not just for language, but for our world, our surroundings, our existence, our daily life, our relationships, family values, virtues, beliefs, even life on the whole. After all, we spend our entire life trying to make sense out of it.

“Making Sense” is unique to every individual. Individuality arises because we are limited to our senses and controlled by the mind. Identity is man’s idea to keep our individuality intact. Apart from the fact that we have different names and that we are different in color, we are all the same beings. We are thinking beings and the significance of perception is the same to all of us.

Perception is the process of attaining awareness or understanding of the environment, by organizing and interpreting sensory information. Our sense organs collects information from outside, and our mind interprets it within. We live inside our body, understand and survive through change, we learn everything we need to learn about what is outside of us. There is a wonderful world outside, as well as within.

Outside, its an appearance world. All that we see outside our self is light. Our main source of light is the sun. Light alone exists, and the colour that we see in the surrounding is generated in the mind. Where there is no light, there is no colour. Colour changes with light. Visible light is a small part of the complete electromagnetic spectrum.

Complete spectrum of electromagnetic radiation...

Image via Wikipedia

Out of the radiation spectrum, visible light is the only wave particle we can see with our human eyes. Light falls on every object, and for us to be able to see the colour of the object, a whole lot of mechanism takes place. The object absorbs the light wave which corresponds to its pigment and reflects the rest of the light wave. The reflected light ray hits our eye and depending upon its wavelength, colour is generated in the mind. Colour is not real, its perceptive.

This is why colour blind people cannot see some colours, and blind people cannot see at all. Colour is different in all our eyes, it depends on the amount of cells we have in each eye. All that we see, as the world outside, are collaborated images from both our eyes. It gives us depth perception. Our eyes create a 3 dimensional view of the world to distinguish light and shadow, to understand how nearer or farther any object is. Our eyes help us see, and we only see what we want to see.

Beauty is as we believe. Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder. If we see something with love, it automatically becomes beautiful. This is a strange phenomenon in our magical world. Science can explain this even better, but, unfortunately, the language of science is very old. In this era of change, it would be greatness for our human race to discover our true potential, our divine nature, so we can live with the joy of salvation blessed in universal harmony.

God‘s light exists within our hearts. It has a powerful shine, and when it shines we glow from within. This is not an ordinary world. We are not ordinary people surviving a government. This is a supernatural world, we are divine creatures capable of change. All that we need to do is surrender to being. We need to trust in the higher power and free fall. Our life is the best journey we have ever taken or ever can.

We have to lose the false sense of self which is created by identity. We need to awaken to a higher consciousness and sing praises of our creator within. Where there is no more attachment to the self and to the material world, we are free to claim back our relationship with the supreme power and remain in bliss, we can attain nirvana.

Man’s restlessness can come to an end if he seeks the powers within. The purpose of life is to attain universal harmony. There is a verse from Natya Shastra called Abhinaya Dharpanam (Stage Craft). It teaches the way to create Rasa(Emotion). As humans our divine purpose is to create the appropriate emotion at the appropriate moment to experience divine bliss. The verse says…

“Yatohasto Tatodhristi, Yatodhristi Tatomanas, Yatomanas Tatobhaava, Yatobhaava Tatorasa.”

It means,

“where the hands go, goes the eyes, where the eyes go, goes the mind, where the mind goes, that is expressed, where there is expression, emotion is evoked”

This is the pathway to universal harmony in dance and divine love. The universe is within us. The precious light of god lives within our body and contains our soul. The soul never dies, it never gets old or affected. It is an energy that can neither be created nor be destroyed. It can only be transformed from one body to another. It is that which we can never see but feel.

Even though we are born as individuals in this world our purpose is to become one with all. This beautiful world can only be seen through the gift of eyes, which are windows for the soul.