Love is ridiculous

How can love, a feeling so pure, begin and end with your eyes? How can it all be about beauty? If people, values, sentiments and thoughts play a role in judging a person’s character, then how can we still believe that beautiful things are made of gold? If it does, then is love pure after all? 

Take me for instance. I fall in love only for the most beautiful men in my world.  It started with Steve brooks. Steve was white, he was an Australian. My standard of beauty was someone who was white. I was not white, I have never, in all my life, believed, that I was beautiful. I have always looked outside for beautiful things and beautiful people.

I have always been attracted to beautiful men. I think that is what I want to understand first. To be attracted is natural. But it matters what we are attracted to. Why should I be attracted to beauty? Why can I not be attracted to knowledge? Or intelligence?

The second guy I felt that I wanted was someone I don’t want to name. But he was rich. I wanted him because I thought he was beautiful. No I cannot explain why Because I don’t know why I thought He was beautiful. He was sexy, he was young, he looked like a star from a bollywood film. When he walked down the stairs i thought he was beautiful. There was a smell I associate with him. I have sensed this smell a few times in my life afterward. It always reminded me of him.

I think when you want someone, its pure desire. There is no love in it. There is just a goal to achieve. It’s what you feel when you look at food. You want it. You’ve tasted it, you know you want to consume it. You feel hungry for it. You enjoy the sense of taste. Even though its a sense so temporary, even though it means nothing, you still enjoy it mindlessly. As far as life goes till now, love to me is a feeling like that. Its a goal i want to achieve to make myself believe that i am beautiful. Getting a beautiful man means that I am beautiful.

But thats what i do, it is not who i am. I believe that people who fall in love are the most foolish of all. Because like a moth caught in a spider’s web, people who fall in love suffer. They don’t know what brought them into it and they don’t know how to get out of it. They only get consumed by the brutal feelings of it, often caused by the most silliest attraction. My heart is so cruel to be in love with something so illusory. But like my good friend once said, fool me once Shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. I just mean to say that any knowledgeable person would not allow themselves to be fooled twice by the same situation.

Because we learn. Learning is the secret to life. We learn and we grow and we become the person that we are on the inside. You are not what you look like. You are, an idea. And it is your responsibility to shape your idea as you wish.

And so tonight I got to thinking about love. I have these unresolved thoughts which I could take back with me into the abyss of my silence. Am I shallow to fall in love with beauty? Or Am I silly to not realize my own beauty? And do I still need a man to let myself know that i am beautiful?  

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Changing Realities

Reality changes, as you believe.

There is always one reality. What is present and what is right now. This reality, constantly changes and it changes with time. We have previously learnt that time is the unsolvable mystery of life. The factor being it cannot be seen or felt and it keeps moving forward. We can never go back in time and no one can tamper it. This is our blind faith in the mystery of time, and it is due to this blind faith we fail to recognize a wonderful changing reality, that is changing constantly.

We live in submission to our own belief and remain limited by it. Our belief in time is so unshakable that it is impossible for us to stop and think for one moment, that time might not exist. After all, we work on time, we wake up on time, we sleep on time, we eat on time, we live for the time-being, then how could we begin to believe that time is not real? But the truth my friend, is that, it isn’t.

Time is a dimension, a perception, a concept. A concept created by mankind. Time is imaginary. The reason for its creation, is to measure the rate of change. This world is constantly changing and without time, we will never be able to follow history. Our life would be meaningless without time. It would be as though, everything happened at once. We might die with the sensation of never having lived at all. To make our human life comprehensible to our own selves, great minds of the past, invented time. It is not part of our nature, it is part of our minds.

Reality is unique to everyone of us. Each of us have a unique story running on our minds about ourselves. We are the creators of our lives. What we believe is our reality. Our future is as we see. Our mind is a fabulous agent that helps us move forward and at the same time keeps us contained within our insecurities. We are the strongest and only if we want to be.

We are a reasoning device. All we need is one reason to make us believe what we want to believe. We are free beings who can do anything we want. We live in a society, it contains many of us. It is we who compromise and blame others for our failures. It is a reason we find to not move forward, to not take control and remain stuck in a place, where we don’t want to be. We fear future. We fear what we can’t see and dont know. We fear life.

Reality is a wonderful journey through change. It takes courage to move forward in time. It is stupid to wait for opportunities. The fearless, follows his dream. Each one of us have amazing dreams, and would do anything to make it true. Would it not be great if someone had told us how to make our dreams come true? A strange part of life is that, sometimes all that we need to do, is take the first step, and everything else will fall in place.

This universe loves us. This universe would do anything to make our dream come true. All that we need to do is believe in it. Believe that if we are on the right pathway, the right will happen. If something is going wrong it is only because we are not right. Spiritual learning never seizes. It is an ongoing process from birth to death. God‘s guiding light stays with us forever. We have to open our eyes to see it.

Our job in darkness, is to take decisions. Our mind involves us in the decision making process all the time. There are no wrong decisions, only doubts that lurk beneath the surface. It takes confidence to stick to our decisions. When we stick to our decisions, reality changes. Life is like an escalator, all you need to do is take the first step, and we will be dropped off where we need to be. It helps if we are aware of where we stand. It makes it easy to get off, after all, you never know how many more escalators you need to take. You never know how far you need to go.