Guilty of not sharing

This whole thing about eating good food and not sharing it with the people and animals who are hungry, on the road, makes me feel so guilty. I feel that I should not buy expensive food and that I should help the poor instead. It’s a good thought. But is it enough? Will that make me happy? It certainly will make some other people happy. I do feel extremely sad when I see old people begging on the streets for food. Like what was their mistake? Why are they left behind on the road to beg?

Did they have a kid that left them behind to beg on the street without a bit of responsibility in his heart? Was he not provided food when he was a child by the same parents whom he does not care about anymore? How heartless has he become? Does this world create heartless people? If that is true then I will not be one of them. I love my family, my elders, my parents, my animals and then myself. It may not be in the same order always but I do love them.

This world has given me many failures but love will not be one of them. There are many things we can do in life.. We can travel, photograph, write, read, clean, be happy, and I think we should also add help the old to our list. I can’t give money.. but I can give food. It’s not going to be very expensive.. just a couple of idlys.. or some rice.

You may not always find them. But sometimes you will walk past them. You will see the horror in front of your eyes. There will be an old couple, or an old woman, selling cabbages, or begging on the street. At that point, stop, buy food and give it to her. Bring a smile on to her face and her heart. Let her know that there is someone in the world who still cares about her.

‚̧ūüėĘ

Mk.

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The most beautiful things in the world aren’t really things at all.

I remember this line from the movie american beauty. We watched that movie at my sister’s¬†friends place. It was one of those really fun times. My sister’s friend had working parents. In India it meant freedom. Meaning there is no way in the world the parents would come back, between 9 AM and 5 PM. There would be home cooked food and my sisters friend would invite her boy-friends. So as curious as we were, my sister used to take me along during¬†holidays because she¬†was afraid of the idea of men and being together in¬†a house.

We would watch movies, listen to songs, eat lunch, spend time. I honestly had no clue about what was going on between the older people but i can be sure that they were a decent bunch.

Anyway, that is where i first saw the movie american beauty. It was quite a sensational film at that time, even in america, i heard. Anyway, In that movie the hero asks the girl if she wants to see the most beautiful thing he has ever filmed?

The hero is a lonely filmer. He makes videos of random things he sees and has a cassette collection in his shelf. So the girl agrees to see and he shows her a video of a plastic bag on the road. You can find that scene here.

I have never understood this scene and therefore it has never left my mind. The things that haunt you, haunt you because you have not understood it yet. Once you understand something, the mind changes. It starts to look for more meaningful things. It grows. The mind grows like a plant, leaf after leaf it spurts its opinion from inside of you, and thus, creating you.

I feel a lot of pain in my heart. I wonder if that’s how real pain begins. The kind that leads to heart attacks and everything. Anyway. This pain is caused by love, betrayal and rejection. Its rejection mainly. In simple words, its the lack of attention from the people i¬†love. Yes I am 27 years old and i still need attention. This probably is a reminder for myself to look into my needs.

I’ve been thinking a lot about money and the i feel comforted by the idea of working hard in order to live the kind of life i want. I like the idea of working. I like the idea of coming up in life but I wonder if i had leaned more towards the idea of money and forgotten to love.

It happens very easily, when life gets serious, its easy to feel stressed and not realize what you are feeling. What is life really?

Life is a gift. Life is magic. Life is the only precious thing there can ever be in this world. It is very easy to forget this and to find ourselves blended with the problems. Problems like what to do, what to wear, what¬†to eat, how to look pretty, do they like me, do they hate me, why aren’t they happy, why are they famous, when will i ever get my break, why is life so difficult.. breathe.

The answer to all of those problems are in a single line, They are not real.

Because the truth is god is always helping us. If you have a problem, solve it. If you cant find a solution, pray to god for a solution and it will come up. If you are feeling too happy, thank god. If you are feeling too sad, experience it.

Don’t forget to pray for change. God answers prayers.

Last night i was too sad, i couldnt sleep. I couldn’t pray either because i had no idea what i was doing. So i went to my balcony and sat there. It had rained in the afternoon, and all evening, and there was some water on the concrete railing. Inside that water, i could see the reflection of a street light. I focussed my eyes like a camera and the street light was so clear that it looked like a painting. I moved forward and backward, and from left to right. The street light moved along with me. I could also see the reflection of the light on the highlights of the water. They were like small yellow dots as they were out of focus. It was beautiful. It reminded me that life is that extraordinary painting that we are meant to see and admire.

I realized how i had forgotten all about it, ever since i started worrying about my age and marriage. My parents think im too old to get married at 27. and i feel that im just as young as ever. After all 27 is just a number. And numbers don’t mean anything.

Sure, i still believe in age, because it means i have had a life for 27 years, and¬†i have met so many people, i have had so many painful relationships and I’m still afraid of butterflies. But i also believe that¬†life is magical, but i don’t know if¬†love is real.

Oh mahananda Maye. Shree Krishna, the merciful. Please love me. As i am your child.

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Trippy Morning.