Choose your friends wisely.

I have never chosen anything wisely in my life, let alone choosing friends. When i was young.. I liked people who were rich and clean. And that’s how I chose the best friends of my childhood. They are all scattered around the city and some settled abroad with kids and some occupied with work. After my boyfriend broke up with me, I tried so hard to find my friends inside these people, but they were all changed. Perhaps, so had I.

I think it is foolish to keep looking for things in the wrong places. I have lived a few years without friends. It has been tough, which is why I realize that I need friends. So here is a check list I am making for friends in my life.

First of all, I must start adding girlfriends into my life because girls are necessary for girls. Just like how boys are necessary for boys. You need a girlfriend to share your girl problems with. Guys don’t always listen.. Second, it should be a girl who is decent, stylish and modern at the same time. Third, she has to be young because i am sick of older women friends.

And last but not the least, she must like me. I am also sick of having a million friends since childhood, whom I like. It will be an interesting transformation for me and for my life, to have some one who would like me rather than me being absolutely in love with them.

So.. That’s about it. It was an interesting check list to make. My tough life is about to begin and I am going to watch how things unfold.

Wish me luck.
Mk. 💕

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Youngistaan is in my blood

I remember how much I used to hate “free advice” when I was younger but I don’t anymore. Not because im old, but because im mature enough to realize that its important to understand what other people think and to take my own decisions based on what I feel is right.

This is one of the most important things I wish I had done as a youngster or a youngistaan as I like to call it these days. I read it somewhere that children should be taught how to think on their own and that its one of the most important education one must go through.. And… I agree and I also add… One must be taught how to analyze things. How to accept things. How to choose things, how to take decisions, how to care for themselves, how to study and understand, how to excel at being themselves. One must be discovered while they are young. I think inside every grown man and woman there is a child that wishes it had started on its work really early. Because no matter how hard you work it just seems that there is no time left.

As you grow older you would realize how important a career is. A career is something that defines your life. It defines your existence even after you have gone. Your work will speak for you. On the other hand, my religion tells me that whatever work i do, i must dedicate it to god. I must know, accept and realize that everything that i do is only done to fulfill the wishes of my god and therefore i have no right over it myself. Its like I only experience life as it comes, and swim 🏊 through it.

So at this point I am confused. I wonder if it is necessary to work hard towards my dreams and goals or to let go of it all and stay at home to enjoy the fruits of life. That sounds like so much fun.💃 But… there is a part of me that kind of wants to get up and succeed. I wonder if that raging power in me should be silenced or accepted.

Should I or should I not? To be or not to be. I made my decision long ago that I will only do things that will make me beautiful. Its a simple matter of seeing whether this is good for me or not. I am driven by a force to prove myself to people who are no longer in my life. Its almost as if I am doing these things for no reason. Perhaps if I found a reason..

With love,
Miss.Angry bird.

P:s: I feel my earth shake like an earthquake, its hard to see clear, is it me or is it fear?

No darling, I wonder why you are doing what you are doing.

Smartphone syndrome and pain

I cannot stop looking at my smartphone. Like all users I am also a victim of the smartphone syndrome. There is so much to look for. Facebook, instagram, google, poetry, videos, WhatsApp.. Chat with people, spend time understanding different lives, do something on our own, create. But no matter how long I do that, a part of me is still looking for the people I can never find again in my life.

At those times, I simply feel disappointed. As though I have been left out from a crowd. As though someone took me to a fair and let go of my hands. I want to cry but im not able to break into tears in the morning. It is only in the night, when there is complete darkness and nowhere to go, and nothing to do but sleep that I break down and cry. To cry is a great thing, because everytime you cry, you accept your reality more and more.

Why do we keep missing the people who have moved on from us? Are we too attached to understand that life is a passing cloud? I guess that is it. I am too silly to not realize that its impossible to live the same moment again. There are a lot of people out there who are always waiting to do the same thing for the rest of their life and that is the most boring thing one can ever imagine to do. Life is a fascinating journey, and one must experience everything. Good times, bad times, happiness, sorrow, flowers, food, travelling, conversations, jobs, future, one must always be ready to experiment with their life. It may seem scary initially but eventually we realize that life is meant to be experimented with.

Cheers,
Yamini. ❤

The constant fight between who you are and who you want to be.

I have always been rebellious. I have a rebellious mind and in fact I have a rebellious soul. But like most youngsters I have never known what to rebel against. I had no idea who I was or what I should do so I simply did everything that I liked. I am no longer a child and I have no interest in being a rebel. I know who I am and what I should do. I appreciate the system because the system is perfect.

The carefree and arrogant nature that some people are born with is one of the most powerful things one can ever acquire. If you have a soul that will stand up for yourself and fight for everything you believe in then you have everything you need to not only survive this life but to create a life which you desire.

Going back to the previous thought, why it is wrong to rebel. I was also like you, I thought that the system is wrong. When I say system, I mean the government, our civilisation, what we have been doing for thousands of years as a human race but i no longer think so. I now understand that the system is right. Even though it was not intentionally made and even though it is simply a result of chaos, I still believe that it is perfect. Because, after all these years, here we are, living in democracy. By the people, for the people and to the people. I have always been fascinated by politics and I will always be.

The system is so perfect that it leaves every man to himself. Every individual has the right to defend for himself. Everybody has the privilege to do what the want, which is why I believe that we must not rebel against the society but enjoy it.

We must work hard and come out of the misery and create a new world for ourself. This is what we are born for. This is why we struggled all our life. This is what we want to rebel against, if we must. We want to rebel against poverty and we want to rebel in the right way. We want to be the people who will create significant changes to our society. We want to write a new future. We want to celebrate this life and say thanks to god for enlightening us while we are still alive. We want to embrace everything around as and spread happiness and love. We want to.

Be yourself

Its difficult. You know, its difficult to be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to change you and trying to make you different. In a world that keeps telling you what is good and what is bad, what you should do and what you should not, I think its important to learn to listen to your own heart. I think its important to stay calm and choose wisely. I must develop an aptitude to not just listen to myself but others as well. I must learn to listen to what everyone says without losing my own mind. Its not a gift I was born with, nobody is born with an ability to accept or to listen but eventually we all realize it. Children should be taught how to think while they are still young because unfortunately I had to learn in the hard way.

Last night i went to an art of living guru pooja and I am not not sure if everyone likes me there because in the end while I was talking to someone, a small kid came to me and asked “if I still haven’t left?” I felt hurt because I thought may be they didn’t want me there. I have a lot of inhibitions and fears. I hate it when people tell me that I have psychological problems. At those times I wish god will magically turn the table around and make them see how mad they are themselves. These aren’t light thoughts and I am not in a light mood.

Why do I always feel like someone hates me? Perhaps because i hate myself. I hate myself for many reasons, because i get angry, because i control people who are even older than me. I can never be free(?)

I wonder if all people have inhibitions and fears about themselves. If yes, then I wonder how they manage their lives or even themselves. I have my own method but its so difficult to impel my plans into reality and i am somewhere between giving up and giving in but I now wonder to who or to where. Its a nice world out there. Life is a good journey. One of the best journeys I have ever embarked upon. Thanks a lot jimmy, without you this aloneness may never have been possible.

Imagination is more important than knowledge.

They say life is but a dream, I wonder if dreams will do it’s job on its own. I am too young to die and too tired to live. I am in that place where i wish there was a somewhere else. I dreamed about a world in which I was granted wings to fly. If I could fly… What a world that would be? Would be something, wouldn’t it be?

I would no longer be a prisoner to my dreams. The fears inside my heart wouldn’t last for over a moment.. Life will never be the same ever. How long do fears really last, I wonder. Im afraid It could for even a lifetime. I have to do this and I have to do this quick, for there is no more time, says my broken self.

If I could fly, I’d be the only one, and I’d be super. I’d no longer be tied to earth, after all, I’d have important things to seek up above.

If I could fly I’d never come back down to earth, because there’d be nothing left for me to do here. I might look for answers to many questions, perhaps in a wind I find from inside the grey clouds. Perhaps a wind that is waiting to pour. I’d fly just as fast as the wind, and just as slow. I’d ride on rainbows and feel the clouds. I would be one step closer to being a child forever, one step closer to god, and just one step away from everything else.

Last but not the least, if I could fly.. I’d not give up that life for anything. It may not be the best thing that could have happened to me, but it will be.

Weird attempts at poetry

Too tired to live, too tired to die,
If there was a place somewhere else, or perhaps if I could fly. If I could fly… What a world this would be? A woman with wings.. Flying over the roof and into the sky… Hm.. May be a lot of us born with a tiny small wing? Huh? Evolution has done strange things, it made us.. Didn’t ut? It could make these angel like creatures too..

Imagine a world where some girls are born with tiny wing that would grow as they do… 😁 yes, there would be angels in the world. It would be an era to remember. Perhaps an era that would change the world forever.

Hm.. 😫 What else can flying women do apart from free-flying? We can carry someone but that will be a just a burdenous task. May be we could have flying jobs. Like carry messages? Like pigeons from the medieval period? May be women born with wings should have a superpower like.. They can heal diseases by their touch, or their hair could transform into a magical potion that can cure any disease and ailment.
That’ll be awesome.

So, its nice to imagine that these angels could one day be born into this world and transform our world into a magical field. You know this should be the future. There is magic and its happening right before your eyes.
Btw, I suck at poetry..

Cheers have a good day.
Mk. 🍻 👍

Some kind of monster

I’m a huge fan of Metallica. I think its the one band that creates the type of music that matches my emotions. Its exactly me. Sometimes I find myself alone, perhaps after a lot of crying feeling that i don’t want to cry anymore even though I realize that nothing has changed. In that moment i am no longer some kind of a monster.. I am no longer angry about the things that i cant change, In that moment i settle down and accept it. No matter how painful the issue may be, you have to just accept it because this is what god wants for you.

You have no right to change what god wants for you. You have no power over god. You only have the power to ask, to wish, to feel or to want but beyond that, you have got to accept it. It is in moments like these that I think that life is beautiful. Not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.

There is a lot going on in my body that requires to be healed. I need to pray to god. I think it will work better if I included prayers in my daily routine. Even 60 year old people struggle without a routine, I am happy. I have always believed in the things which I believe today. The only mistake I repeatedly made was to keep running after people for all the wrong reasons. I cannot call it love, I call it the greed for love. The greed for attention. No, it doesn’t work, not for me. You have got to know who you are, what you like and what you want. That’s when you can achieve it. Greed is not a good emotion, even if it were for love. God gives us exactly what we want and when we need it.

A week has passed by and I still haven’t found a perspective for what im going through. And I am searching for one. Peace is a wonderful reason to work. Peace or bliss. They both mean the same to me. I have been considering meditation but that’s not anytime before I accept the butterfly, because I am still afraid of it.

Fly away, my little butterfly. Fly so far away from my reach that I am no longer afraid of you. Lol. You know what I am most scared of in a butterfly? Its movement. But coming to think of it I think its kind of beautiful. Its gentle and feminine. Yeah… beautiful, yes. If it really was beautiful then why am I afraid of it?

More in detail about my ritual of self image

Self image is an idea about yourself. About who you think you are, who you want to be and your choices with regard to that. My confusion is here, written in bold. Do i have to choose something because it suits me or do I have to choose something because I like it. My priority is simple. I want to be beautiful, and for that I realize that im going to have to be decent. I respect my self, my age, and as the age old saying goes, we are not growing any younger. Agreed! So its time to make changes, time to choose wisely. Time to understand who you are and what you want to do.

I’ve been thinking that decency suits me. Decency in a sense of fashion, style and art. According to me decency is a fabulous choice. To clear the pain off my mind I need to understand why I am attracted to junkies, hippies or rebellious attitudes towards life. Well, first of all because its beautiful. Hippies and junkies do what they do and they are still stylish and sexy. So why cant i be like them? You can, but first you need to be yourself.

Somewhere deep down inside my heart I am still missing khaleel. My life has entirely changed and still however i don’t feel the time that is passing by. Perhaps because i am still in love with him. I also feel sorry for him because i know i will be happy and i wish he was around to feel the same. I have definitely wavered off topic but i just want to let myself know that he is happy and that is the only reason he has moved on. Why is that so difficult to understand? Because i still wonder if he loves me. !!!

I hate that he thought i am absolutely zero percent creative. I think he believes that only creative people or hippie cultured women are beautiful. I think they are sexy and to the contrary, that i am beautiful. To me that’s all that matters.

This is my life, I am simple and decent. These are my life choices. The things I want to do are films, social and animal service, take care and make a lovely family. This is my life and I am going to build myself slowly and steadily. My choices are clear, my self-image is created. In case I ever get lost or feel confused I can always come back and read this again. Writing is a culture that I totally embrace. ✌ I hope you all realize why it is important to have a self image, because that is your guideline to informed choices. Choose wisely as it gives freedom to your soul and lets you wander without a worry in the world.

So to answer that question, do i have to choose what suits me or choose what i like. I am like vicki from irobot, my logic is undeniable. So my answer is simple, Change your likes, always like what is good because being good suits you. 😁

Have a nice evening.
Work hard, play well.
Cheers. 🍻

Learn to let go..

When I was young I used to hold on to my mothers hair while going to sleep but it became inconvenient for her so one night she asked me to hold on to her saree. That feeling knowing that she was somewhere close by would make me feel so secure and protected from all the monsters in the world. 😊

When I started to sleep alone I used to bring both my hands together, pray to god and I would refuse to let go of my hands because I thought as long as my hands were together in prayer, god will save me from any kind of monster. I still do that sometimes. 😁

No matter how old you get there are a few things that will always scare you. Falling of a roof, ghosts, heart attacks, getting hurt, being heart broken, rejection, failures and last but not the least, butterflies. 😣

Ever since I started a journey in direction, I have been learning a lot. The monsters in my mind are no longer simple structures like ghosts but its more complicated stuff about life. The feeling that I am from a middle class family makes me sad. So I want to work hard to become successful and when its at stake I feel afraid.

I make plans. I make plans for the future and for my work but plans don’t always work and sometimes I am afraid of that.

When my plan is rejected I feel bummed with sadness. But now that has changed. A lot of that has changed. I know that if something doesn’t work out, I can always think of something new. I never knew that before. I also realize that its good to follow other people’s plans and ideas if its acceptable. As long as I know that im gonna be okay Life remains a joyous ride and its so awesome when I see myself smile. 😊

So… it is sometimes hard to let go of your ideas and this isn’t only about work, this equation can be applied with relationships as well. If something doesn’t work out you have to think of something new because one of the most important things to do in life is to keep on moving forward.

Cheers,
Mk. 💪