when friends dont care..

There comes a time in life when you want to do something that is not conventional. Something that is challenging and something that is big and life changing for you. Strangely, during that time you would notice that all your friends leave you. No matter how hard you try to keep them they will not stay because you’re life is meant to change.

God somehow removes the people from your life and makes way for new. I don’t know why but its true. When it happens you should understand that it happens because its right. These people, no longer belong to your life. So dont try to go back to them and beg for love. They wouldn’t understand.

They wouldn’t care that you’re hurt all that matters to them is that you are not what you are meant to be. Or that you were not able to achieve what you promised.

They wouldn’t know you’re struggle. They wouldn’t know you’re pain. They simply sit far away and judge you because they think they are so damn right. My sincere and patient apologies to the people who look down at other people just because they are not financially settled, or they are not in the same stand as before, or that simply because they don’t understand you. Its pathetic when you notice how your own friends talk without the memory of the past.

Its good. Its all good. I am sure we have done as many mistakes as themselves. Life changes because you have become a different person. And that person may not be acceptable to your old friends. Love the new people in your life because they are worth it.


there is so much left unsaid… !!?

I was listening to a charles bukowski video 📼, in which he had said very clearly that if writing doesn’t come to you, don’t write. I wondered to myself if I was wrong to choose writing as a career. I don’t know, may be its not meant for me because I find it difficult to sit and transfer my thoughts into reality.

I find it difficult to stay calm and accomplish my writing goals. Its probably because I am attempting to write screenplays. I don’t know if i am fit enough to become a good writer but i truly enjoy writing while I am at it.

Because its straight from my heart. If i didn’t want to write i would think about these thoughts in my mind. I would find a comfortable position to sit and i would form each word for every thought inside my mind and smile to myself.

I’m looking for a word that means more than extraordinary. I think I have found it. “powerful”.. How powerful is a mind to draw the attention of all. A mind is all there is.

I was thinking about the life source inside our body. The soul. I have wondered very little about life after death. There is a small hope created in my mind by the Bhagavad Gita. As the Gita has promised me there is a possibility to be eternally free after death, to join the supreme consciousness of god. All I need to do is say the hare Krishna mantra. But perhaps, I need to know what it means.

My mother once told me that when a person dies they either piss, shit or vomit or there would be a spill of some bodily fluid from one of the many holes in a human body. She had proven it with a sub-story which she truly believed was true. I believed her too. Until now, because now I’m starting to feel that the soul can never be separated from the body.

There is only a conscience, in a place non-existant which we all call the mind. I am pretty sure that plants have a mind of their own. All animals have a conscience and through the years i have understood this.

I believe that when a person dies their consciousness seizes to exist. They can no longer perceive the world with any of their senses. They can no longer think.

The mind is a reflection of what exists. I simply reflect myself with words everytime i write or think. Man is an extraordinary being to have invented language and civilization. Man kind is extraordinary. I am a mind trapped inside a human body. I will always be.

The mind is a beautiful place to live. I feel courageous everytime i say things like these because i realize that it explains my surreal life.

I talk to animals and watch lizards eat rice. I can feel a divine connection with the world. Yes, I still have worldly desires. I want to be married and I want to do something in cinema.

My life is my biggest problem. I am on a journey to find the ultimate solution. Happiness must be the ultimate solution for life.. 😍

No matter how painful life seems. Remember to feel good. Remember to be true to yourself. I need a constant reminder to express my feelings because sometimes I just don’t realize it.

Searching deeply for love,

the guy i know.

I have to forgive him tonight before the night is over so I can sleep and wake up tomorrow. So I can live my perfect life again. But I wonder if I can.

Our life was so perfect and he destroyed it like he always does. He is the destroyer. He eats ants. He eats small red ants. He takes them and puts them in his mouth when he sees them crawling on the floor.

He said that they taste sour and asked me to do the same. He destroys things for no reason. People do different things. Some people create art out of trash, some people create new things, like-wise, some people destroy things.

This guy I know was a destroyer. He’d destroy anything a well functioning lighter, a beautiful pair of sun glass, a motorbike.

Its not that he would do so intentionally because his intention would always be to fix it but somehow he was never able to fix any of the things he ripped open or apart. I am a blamer. I am almost at the verge of blaming myself for his stupid act but that would be wrong.

On the upside, I loved him. We had the perfect relationship. We have had those unforgettable moments of laughter. Those moments feels like the best friendship in the universe. Kind of like love.

On the upside, I had an amazing time with him. A slow downfall with the best peak points. What a show that was.

On the upside, we were different. I was different. He was aimless, irresponsible and greedy as hell. He was loveless and gave me a lot of pain.

I will always remember him. I cannot change that. I will always be happy when I think of the of the best times we’ve had and sad knowing that he is not part of my life anymore. I learnt a lot from this relationship. I learnt that people are meant to be understood.

I learnt that men fall in love. And I realized that I am beautiful. How can I not forgive this extraordinary man. After all, I will always love him. Love is real only when you can accept their unacceptable wishes and not want to change it. He wanted to move on.

Yeah, well he wanted to.