I wont be bad to myself.

After all, i love myself. What is bad? What is good? What is pleasant and what is beautiful? These questions are in my mind right now because i need to know how to be happy.

I can be happy only when i know that i am beautiful and i cannot be beautiful without being good. I feel like some kind of a great ego is pulling me down and i am going to fight it. With my will and power.

I’ve been in relationships and i notice that its really difficult for me to love the person of my interest. I only want. I only care about what i want. I laughed when i noticed asking myself how can you be happy for someone you love. and i realize it means that i know that i don’t love the people i want. If i really loved that person, then i would really care and if i really cared about them, their happiness would be important to me.

Where does life draw a line between what is yours and what is not. I think my mind draws that line at friendship. I really care for my friends but the moment my friend becomes someone more close, i lose the care. I wonder why.

i stop caring because i have already gotten what i want. Its mine. I guess i need to understand that people cannot be owned. Men are not to be owned. You dont have to do anything with them. If they like you they would do what they want.

You cannot want anything in this world as nothing really belongs to you. I am a mind sitting behind my eye and watching the pleasantries of this fascinating world. I cannot possibly own anything, i can only experience everything i want.

So when you care for other people’s feelings, you can forgive, forget and start to understand people again. Shed a tear. Anger runs away shamefully. Love is not to be possessed, it is to be practised.


Why I think we live in a magical world.

because of trees and flowers and fire and water and art. 


Art is an exploration of the unknown, into the unknown. It is a little bit like water flowing into water. A waterfall that joins the sea, perhaps. What a wonderful visual poetry it creates while at it? Art, is such a creation.

Art is the secret of man-kind. It is in everything. It is in engineering, it is in science, it is in mathematics. Art is the ability to create meaning. The meaning can be in the form of a word, an equation, an image or even a world.


It was from a single piece of limestone that the Egyptians constructed the great pyramids. From imagination, the Eiffel tower was built. Today, everything we see and use, from bikes to computers. From mobile phones to aeroplanes, cycles even clothes. Everything, was just an idea in someone’s mind before he chose to build it. To break down an idea and to understand or evaluate the things necessary in order to “create” is called visual thinking.


I am carried away by visual arts. I think that visual arts, is a remarkable form of magic, because magic is that feeling when man cannot possibly imagine how something is done. To me art is like that. When an artist creates an image from nothing but raw colours, i am simply stunned.

How does he do it? Remember how you felt when you saw a youtube video of an artist at work? If you haven’t seen any art videos, please youtube “art time-lapse” and see how an artist creates an image right in front of your eyes. You will know what i mean. The mind sees what it wants to see and art is the perfect explanation for it.


I was in a van travelling back home. The van had stopped somewhere in the hills. We were coming down the holy hills of Tirupati. To the left of me was a window from which i could see the dense forest. At first, i could only see the forest. But Soon i saw things that i could not see before. A garland hanging over a tree, the colour of the tree bark, the cold wind.

My eyes were constantly shifting between the window, the forest and the rose garland that i had just found hanging on one of the trees. I saw another tree. It was a firm, thick, strong and beautiful tree and my eyes slowly shifted to what was at the bottom. There was, as i recall a statue of a hindu god. I could not tell if the statue was real or a stone. My vision was fading and the distance between me and the statue were far enough that i could not possibly go closer to see if the statue was real or part of my imagination. So i asked my father who was sitting next to me, and he said that it was just a stone. I wondered.

Why would a stone look like god to me? The driver who was now about to drive the van, said that he could also see the same statue that i was seeing. Hmm.. How did he know?

I knew it was just the colours on the stone that made it look like a statue of god. Maybe someone spilt colours, may be those were not even the colours. May be it was nothing but how could i stop from thinking.. O Mahananda MayE.

My friend asked me this question, quite an amazing thought process it led me on. “How do i know that you and i see the same red colour ! ” There is not a way to know. I could spend my entire life imagining that green was in fact red.

How do i know that you and i see the same thing. Well these are just some crazy thoughts but it is possible to see things in reality that are not really there, and those abilities are actually diseases. Like schizophrenia and psychosis.

So, What is magic really? I have always thought of this great question and I think i may have finally found an answer. Magic is an extraordinary feeling of surprise. We all like pleasant surprises. It is the same reason we like magic.

Magic makes us believe what we cannot otherwise believe. That the world is in fact, a magical reality.


The way i can prove this to you is by making you understand art. Art is the result of imagination. Traditional art especially is created by visual thinking. In photography there are three tones of light. Highlight, mid-tone and shadow. The same applies for traditional art as well. Appropriate lighting and change of colour with the appropriate light is what creates an image.

If you think about it, the world is our 3 dimensional painting, created by colours, light and shadow. How can you possibly prove that the world exists when everything is just a perception created inside your mind. Sometimes i have memories in the form of smells. My childhood is filled with extraordinary memories and my life as a photographer has given me the wealth in observation.

There is magic everywhere. and all around us. There is impeccable beauty in the world. The world is entirely beautiful but we are in such deep sleep that we cannot see it all the time. The universe and the endless net of the galaxies and the idea that the universe is probably just a neuron inside someone’s brain, is all very, very beautiful.

Life becomes magic when we realize that everything is just a perception, your problems and your reality. You can be free from worries and every wish of yours will become true. Like inception, you only need to dream fearlessly.

Green is the meaning of a colour. Tree is the word to a structure. Water is an element, fire is an element. Elements are all part of another dimension. They have their own abilities. Its like they have a mind of their own. The natures mind is far greater than our own. Elements are very different from us. Physics is an extraordinary subject. What makes the air move? Why do we forget that we breathe? What are magnetic fields? How does life really change?

The buildings we see and the glass we break, the things we love and the things we lose, the men and the women and the children we care about, are only real as long as we stay in this magical world. We are all going to die one day and we are never going to remember how we lived. So while we are still alive, don’t you care to know how beautiful life really is?

Who are we? Where do we live eternally? what is our divine abode? The body is such a beautiful thing. Like a tree or a flower. Like a bottle in which you pour water and keep.


The body has healing powers. I find it magical everytime prayers are answered. I find it magical when a wound naturally heals. Nature is magical and above all love is magical. There is nothing more beautiful than the ups and downs of love. Time is not real. Time is only a way to measure change. Change is constant. I want to think that love is family.

There is nothing more magical than the story of life and the time it takes. The dreams and the breaks in between before you see your dream come true. What a beautiful thing is our mind, to remember everything and to experience a life in the presence of god who would give you everything you can possibly imagine. In mY mind forever.

The butterfly.

The sweet sound of love

There are times when i’m melancholic. Its hard to explain if melancholy was boredom or life. Lately life has been very very beautiful. I like the sight of butterflies. Its ironic that one shouldn’t care in order to be free. I always thought care makes you beautiful. I’ve been thinking a lot about fire. I saw a cow. She was sweeter than me. She walked away when she knew that i was uncomfortable eating at a roadside sandwich shop while she was watching me. She was angry and i cried when i realized  that i had embarrassed her but it didn’t matter to me when i realized that i was beautiful.

Dogs, crows and cows are inseparable parts of my life. What a wonderful thing it is this life. What a gift it is to see such beautiful things like fire. Every flame reminds me of the greatness of god. Fire is an element of the world. Being surrounded by man made things like bricks and concrete and gadgets and electricity, the very sight of fire and the knowledge that it is beyond human control makes me understand its divine nature. It looks like its not part of our world and that its part of another dimension. Something magical. I have no words to describe water, the very sound of water mesmerizes me. Every time i imagine a water stream i feel the sensation of something extremely beautiful. Some memories are unforgettable and some memories are unforgivable.

I sincerely wonder what love means. It hurts me to even think about it because everyone i loved, left me in despair. I think i may have given up on love and I am slowly falling in love with my own voice.

Nothing makes me happier than songs. I wonder if love has something to do with music. If love was a song, would we sing it everyday. If love was light, then would i shine?

I wonder what kind of a world this is. I wonder if there is any meaning at all. Beside all of those painful thoughts, i still believe in god. i believe that life is the greatest gift ever. There is god in everything we see, feel, think and hear. Looking for that makes life more and more beautiful, everyday. I think god is a universal mind. He makes us see, hear, smell, perceive, and feel everything we want to. i pray to god all the time and god always answers my prayers. I like the colours i see. I like the feelings in me. I wonder what the future holds for me.