Hi. My name is yamini and i am about to transform a disastrous journey into the most amazing life in the world, get a good look on both sides.
Five years ago i was pursuing a dream career and i left it all behind and walked away with a boyfriend i wasn’t sure i was in love with. Five years later i am sitting in my dungeon, puffing away my lungs and watching ugly betty because i cant get a grip on my reality. I admit it. I have lost myself over some stupid love affair that i dont even understand. I have kept my life in stake over a guy who thinks im not pretty enough for him. Or wait may be thats what i think. But who cares, he never made me believe otherwise.
I only ask myself why? Why do women like to be treated like a mans shoe? Why did i let this guy into my heart and let him break it into pieces that can never be put together again?
I would be lying if i said i am not trying to vent my emotions, but the truth is i dont care so much about my emotions as much as i care to remember what it is. Emotions, the unexplainable phenomenon of a merely animalish life.
What are emotions? Why do i cry when i think of the past. Why is my mind clouded with these useless thoughts of a stupid guy? Who am i? Why do i have to live, love or die for someone else? Do i have an answer for any of this? Do we know what we do with the only opportunity we have to be? Do we know what we do to our lives?
We dont. We are people who cant do anything on our own. We are people who have given our life away for the meaty desires of this stupid world. Its not like we always need someone from the outside to tell us who we are or what we do, but no, that is just exactly what we do. We turn around and bend over to strangers in the hope of letting them decide what we want to be.
We are women. We are submissive women for bad men. Its kinda kinky the way we do that. Kinky and stupid. But there is just one thing i need to tell you.. I ve been there, i ve done that and i know i will do it again. I will let this guy hurt me and i will not regret it. you know why? Because i am that woman.
i know nothing is going to change my life if i dont change it, but how do i change something if i dont know what it should be. Ah, that’s my string to reality surfacing on the shore. I am in love and love makes us all go blind to the truth of ourselves. This is my pathetically wasted life and i can tell you a million stories about it or i can let you imagine it. This is a breakthrough i am experiencing and you will too, if you stop to question yourself. In the end, there can be only one reality. If you dont save your life nobody else will and not especially that guy you are completely in love with and ready to die for. Good morning.