How to really save your life.

A7EOP1YCA1HIE9LCA1CE2S7CA46LCAUCAQQNXT7CAI6MNSICAMU8ZWDCAXZDYHYCA4R51HDCAUBA1D3CAQQ10AXCALJ1FJ4CAASS6ZGCAMNDIZQCA5WQV80CATA0NVVCA8ILEOHCAI0YDJ6CA4NIHMXCA4CC5QTRun. Run like you never ran before. Not away but within. Ive always heard that voice, when i was young. Everytime i had done something wrong, the voice would say things to me. Good things , bad things, but the voice never forgot my name. It always said…”Yamini… this is what you’re doing. yamini… This is what you did. yamini… dont you do that you wretched girl..” It always gave me a chance to think , a reason to change, but today it doesnt do that anymore. There is no more voice in my head. There is just me and krishna. Yamini is meaningless to me. This made everything impossible to me. To live, to survive , to face the people i’ve known, to be reborn as the person i really want to be, some one new, someone i loved more than yamini.

Yamini’s life was concerned to me.. as i remember her, she was a happy person who brought joy in peoples faces. she would make jokes even if it were about herself, the priority was always someone else. She never cared for herself, but i am not the same. I love me. I love myself. I love krishna and every minute i share an experience with him. He is my inner power, He is my saviour, he means the world to me. The blob, the container, the divinity that lives, the light of my world. He is everything. Life can be very challenging after we accept krishna and so it is to me now.

I am now at the end of my tunnel, i cannot see the light anymore. Ive been blinded with problems like love and survival, but i cannnot be blind anymore. I begin with acceptance. I am the reason i am in pain. If i had not fought nothing would have happened. If i had worked i might still have money. If i had loved may be all the people i loved would have stayed in my life. If i had let go, i would not have cried. If i had been, i would be free. If i had seen, i will still be me. I am someone else now. The voodoo had an effect on me.

What do i do now? I can run away or stay here to change my life all over. It has been said that if have the courage to start all over, you will have the courage forever. If you struggle for something, you will win. If you struggle for your own freedom, you will be free. Free from the pain of life. Free from the misery of being awake. You can live in your dreams and make it your reality but only if you tell yourself what you want to be right now.

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How to save your life

Hi. My name is yamini and i am about to transform a disastrous journey into the most amazing life in the world, get a good look on both sides.

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Five years ago i was pursuing a dream career and i left it all behind and walked away with a boyfriend i wasn’t sure i was in love with. Five years later i am sitting in my dungeon, puffing away my lungs and watching ugly betty because i cant get a grip on my reality. I admit it. I have lost myself over some stupid love affair that i dont even understand. I have kept my life in stake over a guy who thinks im not pretty enough for him. Or wait may be thats what i think. But who cares, he never made me believe otherwise.

I only ask myself why? Why do women like to be treated like a mans shoe? Why did i let this guy into my heart and let him break it into pieces that can never be put together again?

I would be lying if i said i am not trying to vent my emotions, but the truth is i dont care so much about my emotions as much as i care to remember what it is. Emotions, the unexplainable phenomenon of a merely animalish life.

What are emotions? Why do i cry when i think of the past. Why is my mind clouded with these useless thoughts of a stupid guy? Who am i? Why do i have to live, love or die for someone else? Do i have an answer for any of this? Do we know what we do with the only opportunity we have to be? Do we know what we do to our lives?

We dont. We are people who cant do anything on our own. We are people who have given our life away for the meaty desires of this stupid world. Its not like we always need someone  from the outside to tell us who we are or what we do, but no, that is just exactly what we do. We turn around and bend over to strangers in the hope of letting them decide what we want to be.

We are women. We are submissive women for bad men. Its kinda kinky the way we do that. Kinky and stupid. But there is just one thing i need to tell you.. I ve been there, i ve done that and i know i will do it again. I will let this guy hurt me and i will not regret it. you know why? Because i am that woman.

i know nothing is going to change my life if i dont change it, but how do i change something if i dont know what it should be. Ah, that’s my string to reality surfacing on the shore. I am in love and love makes us all go blind to the truth of ourselves. This is my pathetically wasted life and i can tell you a million stories about it or i can let you imagine it. This is a breakthrough i am experiencing and you will too, if you stop to question yourself.¬† In the end, there can be only one reality. If you dont save your life nobody else will and not especially that guy you are completely in love with and ready to die for. Good morning.¬†Image