Run. Run like you never ran before. Not away but within. Ive always heard that voice, when i was young. Everytime i had done something wrong, the voice would say things to me. Good things , bad things, but the voice never forgot my name. It always said…”Yamini… this is what you’re doing. yamini… This is what you did. yamini… dont you do that you wretched girl..” It always gave me a chance to think , a reason to change, but today it doesnt do that anymore. There is no more voice in my head. There is just me and krishna. Yamini is meaningless to me. This made everything impossible to me. To live, to survive , to face the people i’ve known, to be reborn as the person i really want to be, some one new, someone i loved more than yamini.
Yamini’s life was concerned to me.. as i remember her, she was a happy person who brought joy in peoples faces. she would make jokes even if it were about herself, the priority was always someone else. She never cared for herself, but i am not the same. I love me. I love myself. I love krishna and every minute i share an experience with him. He is my inner power, He is my saviour, he means the world to me. The blob, the container, the divinity that lives, the light of my world. He is everything. Life can be very challenging after we accept krishna and so it is to me now.
I am now at the end of my tunnel, i cannot see the light anymore. Ive been blinded with problems like love and survival, but i cannnot be blind anymore. I begin with acceptance. I am the reason i am in pain. If i had not fought nothing would have happened. If i had worked i might still have money. If i had loved may be all the people i loved would have stayed in my life. If i had let go, i would not have cried. If i had been, i would be free. If i had seen, i will still be me. I am someone else now. The voodoo had an effect on me.
What do i do now? I can run away or stay here to change my life all over. It has been said that if have the courage to start all over, you will have the courage forever. If you struggle for something, you will win. If you struggle for your own freedom, you will be free. Free from the pain of life. Free from the misery of being awake. You can live in your dreams and make it your reality but only if you tell yourself what you want to be right now.